In which I go Bah Humbug on your face.

I have always been one of those people that really bought into the “magic” that surrounds the holidays. I would get butterflies in my stomach the first time I heard a Christmas song every season. I would blare Christmas music and skip around the house as my family decorated. Long after I knew the truth about Santa Clause, I continued to wait up for a chance to see him, because I just didn’t want to give up hope.

I loved to wear big red bows in my hair and sparkly Holiday sweaters. As soon as Halloween was over I would start anticipating my grandparent’s Gingerbread house and the candy jars that sit on their counter every year. I loved driving around and looking at Christmas lights and taking our yearly pictures in front of my house with of the wooden angels my grandfather carved years ago.

Every year my parents and sister and I would wake up around seven in the morning and get our “Santa” presents that would be waiting for us on the couch. Yes, even at the ages of 22 and 26, my sister and I still went through the motions examining each gift, then hugging our parents and saying cheezy things like ” Santa sure was good to me this year,” or “How did Santa know I needed new underwear?” Then we would walk across the street to my grandparent’s house where my cousins would be waiting (not so patiently.) We would spend an hour or so opening up our stockings and drinking coffee. Then we would eat some breakfast and open our gifts to each other. My grandaddy always dresses up as Santa and comes in for a dramatic kiss with my grandma. It is really the most perfect Christmas you can imagine.

I can’t tell you how much I usually look forward to all of this.

I’m not trying to go Bah Humbug all over your faces, but somewhere in the last couple of years it seems I have had a dramatic change in my sentiment.

Don’t get me wrong, Thanksgiving with the family was nice. Albeit a little different from most years, but it was still enjoyable. My grandfather was still in the hospital on Thanksgiving day so my dad stayed with him and my grandmother in the hospital. It was a little weird not having any of them at our Thanksgiving dinner, which is now held at my aunt and uncle’s house.

In addition, my parents split up a few months ago after being together since they were fifteen, so my mom wasn’t at our dinner either.

For the last few months I have been anticipating that things would work themselves out by the time the holidays came around.I know that my parents are entitled make changes if they feel that they need to, and I ultimately just want everyone to be happy… but this kind of makes me want to get on the floor and throw a tantrum. I keep telling myself that I can handle it, that it’s no big deal that there are going to be some major changes in my life when it comes to my family. For the most part I can deal, but some things are going to be more difficult than others to face. Like losing family traditions…

Ok, I’m sure I’ll come back to this subject at some point, but for now I think I’ve talked about it all I care to. Needless to say, I’m a little more bitter than I usually am this time of year. I know I sound whiny and that things could be so much worse. I am so grateful for everyone in my life and that my grandad is doing so much better. But I still sometimes wish things could just go back to being the way they were when I was 10. Or at least I could go back to the blissful state of  ignorance that I had at that age.

But alas, life moves on… or so they say.

Christmas music is already starting to grate on my nerves. I haven’t bought one present. I have literally gained 7 lbs since last Wednesday. And after spending 3 hours yesterday scraping gravy off of my walls after the massive food fight that ensued at my house on Saturday night, I never want to eat mashed potatoes again. Which makes me sad because I love mashed potatoes.

I tried to watch an ABC Family Christmas movie yesterday, and that didn’t even cheer me up.

I hoping that in the next few weeks I’ll have an attitude adjustment for the better, because I really don’t enjoy being grumpy during the holidays.

I had quite an eventful weekend and hopefully by tomorrow I’ll be in the mood to write about some of the more cheerful happenings in my life. Until then, Bah Humbug.

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  • http://watchoutworldimatwentysomething.blogspot.com/ JustMe

    Holidays have a way of making us ALL feel like shit sometimes. Don't worry…you're not alone.

  • http://thepqnation.com/showandtell Jaime

    Aw. I've got enough holiday cheer for the both of us. You can have some of mine.

  • http://lifeintheleftlane.wordpress.com/ Bing

    Sorry to hear that family troubles have you in a holiday slump. But I kind of agree with you in some ways. It seems like the magic is gone and all people care about is receiving gifts. It sucks!

  • http://matthewjenks.blogspot.com/ Matt_J

    The problem with Christmas music is that someone let Mariah Carey sing some. Well, allegedly. Caterwauling “Christmas” in the background of your song doesn't necessarily make it a) fit for the airwaves or b) a holiday song.

    Also, “Mary Did you Know?”? Fucking annoys me. Yes, she knew. That's why she's Mary, you stupid shits. That's why she was all like, “Um, okay, I'll carry God-on-Earth for you, Yahweh.” What a stupid fucking song.

    Wait…are we not supposed to swear in the comments here?

  • shineoutloud

    I'm guessing it wasn't a planned and fun Hook-style food fight?

    I'm sorry the holidays are bringing you down, but if it makes you feel any better…I don't like them at all. Christmas means very little to me, my family drives me crazy, and Christmas music makes me want to barf up my breakfast. So I'm always a little grumpy around this time of year.

  • http://jmb1980.blogspot.com/ Jessica

    I'm having a little trouble getting into it this year too for some reason. Figured I'll have the kids make sugar cookies this week and see if I can get into it. . . . I hope it goes better for you.

  • http://www.blogsareforlosers.com Sherri

    I totally don't think you're being whiny at all. It's one of the unfortunate parts of life – things changing, people leaving, etc. It's rough. Sometimes, with time, you'll get part of it back. Both of my grandmothers each died on Xmas Eve, one year a part. So two years in a row, the holidays were so messed up. It took a long time, but I'm back in a place where I can still enjoy the holidays. [as much as a Grinch like me CAN] Don't be so hard on yourself for feeling the way you do.

  • leethehotflashqueen

    I hope you start to feel more cheery, but if not, hey, you only have a month left!

  • http://mwaonline.blogspot.com/ Mwa

    What a nice thing, though – to have loved the holidays for so long.

    I hope the other food-throwers helped you clear up those walls.

  • http://twitter.com/IDoThings IDoThings

    Oh, poo. I'm sorry your family situation is so disruptive right now. I hope your grandfather will be OK soon.

    My hatred of Christmas has been coming on slowly, and for no discernable reason. And I hate that I hate it! I want that magical feeling back.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Well thank you! I am hoping it shall pass.

  • beckeye

    That stinks. But you're totally allowed to throw a tantrum. Just do it when no one's watching. Turn some (non-Christmas) music up really loud, get on the floor and just go to town. You'll feel better, I bet!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    please and thank you!

  • http://livitluvit.com/ LiLu

    I hear you, chickie. This is the first year we're not doing Christmas at my grandparents' house- EVER- and I don't even know what to do about it.

  • mayhemandmoxie

    I am not a fan of change. Period. Either keep with the traditions or don't include me. I'm right there with you!

    My family is trying out new things this year. So tough!

    I hear that red wine helps…

    :)

  • http://www.theinternalmakeover.com/ kathryn

    I know, sweetie….change can be HARD. Wouldn't it be great if things (especially around the holidays and our childhood traditions) could stay exactly the same??

    That's the thing I hate about growing up. Facing the reality of change.

    I'm with you. BAH.

  • ambermurphy

    Feelin' your bah.

  • CarissaJaded

    I know!! I'm not sure when this happened, or maybe it just has something to do with growing up and realizing it's always been this way!

  • CarissaJaded

    Ohhh the worst for me is by far Manheim Steamroller's Joy to the World. That songs makes my ears bleed.

    The Mariah song wouldn't be such torture to me if it wasn't one of three songs that the radio plays around Christmas time.

    What the fuck to you think you're fucking doing swearing on my comment board.
    Bloody hell, that felt good.

  • CarissaJaded

    It couldn't have gone any better if it had been planned. We had just finished a HUMONGOUS meal and all the left over were lined up on the counter, just waiting to be smashed in people's faces!!

  • CarissaJaded

    Thank you! And Sugar Cookies are the bomb diggity!

  • CarissaJaded

    Thanks Sherri! Ya make me feel better! I'm sorry about your luck too, but I'm glad to know that even after such tough times a Grinch like you can be cheery!

  • CarissaJaded

    Right? I figure I've made it through thanksgiving, that's half the battle… then I can get out all my aggression by New Years!

  • CarissaJaded

    ohhh… well since I was one of the food throwers, I can't really complain too much!

  • CarissaJaded

    Thats ok thank you for your thoughts!

    And MEEEEE TOOOOO…. I guess its good to have had it and lost it, than to never have had the magic at all!

  • CarissaJaded

    I think I'm gonna heed your advice. Car freak-outs are actually my favorite!

  • CarissaJaded

    Oh I'm sorry!! Change does suck ass! I am not sure what I will be doing this Christmas, but I don't know what I would do if someone took away Christmas morning at the gparents… at least this year.

  • CarissaJaded

    Ohhh Red wine and I have been through so much together…

    Best of luck with your new “traditions” this year!!

  • CarissaJaded

    I don't wanna grow up!!! I feel like I shouldn't have to yet…

  • CarissaJaded

    thanks girl!

  • http://laughstooeasily.blogspot.com/ Dani

    I'm sorry to hear that your family situation is (understandably) putting you in a non-festive mood. Family traditions can be super hard to lose, but maybe you can find some new ones that fit your life right now…like giving everyone who pisses you off a fruitcake. Noone likes a fruitcake.

  • http://megsrantsandramblings.blogspot.com/ meg

    I'm not feeling the christmas spirit yet either, but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that the weather is downright balmy here. I should be freezing my arse off! I haven't even broke out the christmas cds yet…that usually happen in November…
    also, boooo to change!!

  • http://angryredhead.wordpress.com/ Candice

    I know exactly what you mean, Carissa. These last few years have really lost the Christmas appeal for me…it's so much tougher when you don't really have the means to celebrate, yet it's expected of you anyway. I'm told when I have my own kids, things will change..I hope! But I hope you find some sort of happiness in your holidays anyway, the whole family thing sucks a lot.

  • thatkindofgirl

    Aww, these are definitely some upsetting, frustrating reasons to not be feeling the holiday spirit yet this year. As a Christmas addict with a fairly fraught family life, I completely sympathize and hope that as the season unfolds, you can focus on the positively and hopefully feel at least a few tingles of holiday cheer!

    (Also, seriously, is it just me or is there nothing as annoying as losing one's taste for a favorite food? At my grandma's funeral luncheon in April, I ate hands-out the most wretchedly disgusting lasagna I've ever even heard of, and, despite a few attempts, haven't been able to eat it since. Lasagna! God's culinary gift to man! Tragedy. Hopefully your relationship with mashed potatoes improves after the incident fades from your mind.)

  • http://www.onesteptorecovery.com starzskymoon

    HAHAHA. I was the kind of kid that had to be WOKEN UP on Christmas Day. I valued my sleep more than the presents. Then again, when you've already opened them (and re-wrapped, of course) and know exactly what you're getting, what's the point in the surprise?

  • http://www.worstdamnblog.com Josh

    I wish I was jewish. That is all.

  • http://laughstooeasily.blogspot.com/ Dani

    I'm sorry to hear that your family situation is (understandably) putting you in a non-festive mood. Family traditions can be super hard to lose, but maybe you can find some new ones that fit your life right now…like giving everyone who pisses you off a fruitcake. Noone likes a fruitcake.

  • http://megsrantsandramblings.blogspot.com/ meg

    I'm not feeling the christmas spirit yet either, but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that the weather is downright balmy here. I should be freezing my arse off! I haven't even broke out the christmas cds yet…that usually happen in November…
    also, boooo to change!!

  • http://angryredhead.wordpress.com/ Candice

    I know exactly what you mean, Carissa. These last few years have really lost the Christmas appeal for me…it's so much tougher when you don't really have the means to celebrate, yet it's expected of you anyway. I'm told when I have my own kids, things will change..I hope! But I hope you find some sort of happiness in your holidays anyway, the whole family thing sucks a lot.

  • thatkindofgirl

    Aww, these are definitely some upsetting, frustrating reasons to not be feeling the holiday spirit yet this year. As a Christmas addict with a fairly fraught family life, I completely sympathize and hope that as the season unfolds, you can focus on the positively and hopefully feel at least a few tingles of holiday cheer!

    (Also, seriously, is it just me or is there nothing as annoying as losing one's taste for a favorite food? At my grandma's funeral luncheon in April, I ate hands-out the most wretchedly disgusting lasagna I've ever even heard of, and, despite a few attempts, haven't been able to eat it since. Lasagna! God's culinary gift to man! Tragedy. Hopefully your relationship with mashed potatoes improves after the incident fades from your mind.)

  • http://www.onesteptorecovery.com starzskymoon

    HAHAHA. I was the kind of kid that had to be WOKEN UP on Christmas Day. I valued my sleep more than the presents. Then again, when you've already opened them (and re-wrapped, of course) and know exactly what you're getting, what's the point in the surprise?

  • http://mileground.com Josh

    I wish I was jewish. That is all.

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