As posted by LiLu: ***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Make sure you check back to Lilu’s Archives… You will laugh your ass off!
*Some people have more shame than I do, so in an effort to preserve a friendship- I thought my friend might enjoy the retelling of this story in the form of poetry… Because really, this was a very poetic moment in both of our lives, I’m sure. I have already gotten in trouble for telling this story before, but it’s just too frickin funny not to share!
Here doth lie a legend
that has spread far and wide
About a very dear friend of mine
and what came out from their behind.
It was long ago in college
And I will not share my friend’s name.
I’m hoping the fact I’m attempting to rhyme-
Will lighten their level of shame.
I had just moved in to a new place
With 3 girls I did not know-
My friend had eaten a lot of cheese
And finally had to… “go” go.
After a few minutes in private
I hear my friend’s loud cry
For what was laid was way too big,
And the water was rising high.
I usually wouldn’t have cared so much
But I’d only been there one night.
If my new roommates thought I broke the commode,
We’d probably never be tight!
So I went in the room to help my friend
to devise a little plan-
I looked to see what they did lay
and wandered how in the hell did THAT fit in the can.
I didn’t own a plunger,
and I couldn’t find a net…
Neither of us would touch it-
We couldn’t live with that regret
You may not already know this-
buy I’m actually quite smart
I knew the only solution
What to slice that turd apart.
I went into the kitchen
and found a plastic knife,
I also grabbed a plastic fork
Just to be polite.
I know not why the job was mine
but I did what I had to do
Using that fine cutlery
I began to poke that poo.
I literally “cut the crap” my friend,
I sliced up that big load
I did all this to save the day
and flush down the commode.
Ok people! I apologize for my lack of poetic ability! Have a great day!