TMI Thursday: The Legend of the Log (In Rhyme)

As posted by LiLu: ***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!


Make sure you check back to Lilu’s Archives… You will laugh your ass off!

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*Some people have more shame than I do, so in an effort to preserve a friendship- I thought my friend might enjoy the retelling of this story in the form of poetry… Because really, this was a very poetic moment in both of our lives, I’m sure. I have already gotten in trouble for telling this story before, but it’s just too frickin funny not to share!

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The Legend of the Log

Here doth lie a legend
that has spread far and wide
About a very dear friend of mine
and what came out from their behind.

It was long ago in college
And I will not share my friend’s name.
I’m hoping the fact I’m attempting to rhyme-
Will lighten their level of shame.

I had just moved in to a new place
With 3 girls I did not know-
My friend had eaten a lot of cheese
And finally had to… “go” go.

After a few minutes in private
I hear my friend’s loud cry
For what was laid was way too big,
And the water was rising high.

I usually wouldn’t have cared so much
But I’d only been there one night.
If my new roommates thought I broke the commode,
We’d probably never be tight!

So I went in the room to help my friend
to devise a little plan-
I looked to see what they did lay
and wandered how in the hell did THAT fit in the can.

I didn’t own a plunger,
and I couldn’t find a net…
Neither of us would touch it-
We couldn’t live with that regret

You may not already know this-
buy I’m actually quite smart
I knew the only solution
What to slice that turd apart.

I went into the kitchen
and found a plastic knife,
I also grabbed a plastic fork
Just to be polite.

I know not why the job was mine
but I did what I had to do
Using that fine cutlery
I began to poke that poo.

I literally “cut the crap” my friend,
I sliced up that big load
I did all this to save the day
and flush down the commode.

Ok people! I apologize for my lack of poetic ability! Have a great day!


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  • http://notthatkindofgirl.net/ That Kind of Girl

    !!!!!!!! OMG. Definitely TMI, but absolutely hilarious.

    “I also grabbed a plastic fork / Just to be polite” cracked me the frig up!

  • http://ishineoutloud.com/ shine

    Oh my god. Really?

    One of my friends actually has a great story about poo, but it's hers to share, not mine.

  • http://livitluvit.com/ LiLu

    The cheese… it'll get ya.

    But so, so worth it!

  • CarissaJaded

    teheehee.. I went ahead and got last minute permission on this one, so I don't feel so bad!

  • http://belleandnel.blogspot.com/ Belle

    Is it weird that I'm only slightly grossed out?? My overwhelming emotion is… holy crap, she owes you for life!!! What a good friend.

  • http://megsrantsandramblings.blogspot.com/ meg

    oh my god, that is simultaneously hilarious and horrifying!

  • http://matthewjenks.blogspot.com/ Matt_J

    That's not a poem. That's an epic any bard would be proud to sing for a meal or a few pieces of silver. Beowulf, you have met your match.

  • jessejo

    OMFG – that was AWESOME…I'm dying over here…the rhyming made all the more awesome!

  • http://www.blogsareforlosers.com Sherri

    OH MY GOD, this was FANTASTIC!!!!! Haha, thank you for the laughs!

  • badassgeek

    Oh, man. Just with the title of this post, I knew it was going to be epic.

    Epic, indeed.

  • http://thepqnation.com/showandtell Jaime

    I giggled reading this. Please tell me you've read Maxie's TMI today on Jill's blog. It, too, is hilarious and about poop. At least her's is about her own poop. You poor thing!

  • http://ang-smiles.blogspot.com/ Angela

    You are FANTASTIC for being able to tell that story in poem form!!

  • http://bigmamacass.wordpress.com/ BigMamaCass

    LMFAO!!!!!! haaaaaaaaahahaha That was awesome!!! My sister used to have to do that when we were kids because she would hold it for like a week. I remember her getting the big knife out of the kitchen and silently closing the bathroom door. HAHA

  • http://seanramblings.blogspot.com/ Sean

    Very nicely done! (The poem not the cutting.)

  • CandiceW

    OHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

    that's ….that's actually all i can say.

  • hillbillyduhn

    LMAO – That was hilarious. And I loved it that it rhymed!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog!! Glad you did, so that I could come back and read this, funny stuff!!

  • http://en-gb.facebook.com/carissajade Carissa McAtee

    HAHAH I am sooo happy I'm not the only one to have done this! I love how it was the Big knife!

  • CarissaJaded

    Thanks everyone for coming by and for the nice words!

    @Bigmamacass I am really happy to hear that someone else out there had to do this… no offense to your sister!!

  • christie

    Way too !beautiful poetry!

  • christie

    Way too !beautiful poetry!