The Case of the Missing Laptop


I have told you before that technology hates me. Like, bad.  I pick up a phone, and it loses service. I sit in front of a computer, and it completely quits working. Since I’ve been at my current job, (for a year and a half) I’ve gone through 3 computers.

3 computers. One which was brand new.

I’m sure my bosses think I’m on porn sites all day contracting computer AIDS, purposely sabotaging my computers so I have an excuse not to work. In actuality, I have NO FREAKING IDEA how or why these computers keep breaking on me. I treat them well. I run anti-virus programs regularly, and I’m very careful about what sites I go to. The only reasonable explanation that I can think of, is that I have been possessed by a frequency demon. I’m not sure it is actually a frequency demon. It may be a computer demon or a technology demon, but I personally think frequency demon has a better ring to it.

But I digress.

I will state for the record now, I am in no way responsible for my current state of, yet again, being without a work computer.

I’ll start from the beginning. (Imagine the following told to you in a ghost story voice. It’s not the most exciting story ever… but I think that will help.)

Last Friday was a normal day at work. It was rainy, and I was planning on leaving early to head to Austin to see my little sister.

As usual, my bosses left (even earlier) to go either hunting, golfing, or fishing… I forget which- on this dark and foreboding day. As usual, I cleared my internet history and shut my lap top down before I headed out.

*Side note- I actually have two work computers. My desktop has Vista, and the marketing software I use, naturally does not work on Vista. Therefore, my bosses begrudgingly had to get me a second computer to use for marketing purposes. A computer which I need in order to get anything done.

Monday morning I came back into work. It was still raining, and I was in a particularly foul mood. The bosses were going to be out until Wednesday, but regardless, since I had left early on Friday, I had plenty of work to do. The early morning was business as usual. I updated the blog, checked my email, and caught up on my friend’s weekends via facebook. Around 10:00 am I turned around to start up my laptop and get started on some mailings.


The laptop…. was gone.

At this point I actually didn’t think much of it, and I was a teensy bit excited that I DID have an excuse not to spend the rest of my day swamped with the monotonous task of sending out mailings. The bosses have taken the laptop with them on their hunting trips before, (as my screen saver slide-show of dead deer proved) and I figured that they had taken it again to showcase their killings. Plus, the case was gone- so I was confident that they had packed it up, because the case was nowhere near the actual computer. So I spent the next two days outwardly cursing my bosses for leaving me bored and with nothing to do, but inwardly thanking the heavens that I had extra time to do as I pleased. By late Tuesday though, I was as bored as I have ever been on a 13 hour road trip with my parents. I was racing to answer the phone. Giving insurance quotes never seemed so fun.

First thing Wednesday morning when the bosses returned I popped right in their office to ask for the laptop.

Boss: Distracted that I’d come in without knocking “Ummm… OK.. we’ll get it for you.”

I returned to my desk and about 5 minutes later I was called back into their office.

Boss: “Did you say something about the laptop?”

Me: “Umm yeah… I need it back, so I can… do some work.”

Boss: “Well where is it?”

Me: “Uh… umm… you… have it?”

Boss: “Noooooooo…..”

By this time, everyone in the office (all 6 of them) were up and in the bosses office, eager to know what we were discussing. I explained how I thought that they had taken the computer to put their pictures of bloody deer on, and they acted surprised at the prospect that I would think they would do such a thing. There was no sign of foul-play. No broken windows. Nothing else was missing. We looked in every drawer, under every desk, and in every corner of our tiny office. They asked me about five times if I was sure I didn’t accidentally take it.

Oh sure, I packed a laptop and carried it out without realizing it.

Did I? I seriously started questioning my sanity. I clearly remember leaving the office and driving straight to Ft. Worth to meet up with my friend LA, and we headed to Austin as soon as I got there. But what if I had a crazy drunk ambien moment and drove back to Dallas, stole the computer, and drove back to Austin without even remembering it?

Ok, even I am not that crazy.

The bosses called the cops and talked in length to the owner of the building. They all concluded that, besides the cleaning ladies who the building-owner fully trusts, there is no way that anyone could have gotten into our office without a key.

Its been nearly a week now and there are no new leads. Oh sure, there have been the daily jokes… “So Carissa, if you just bring the laptop back- no charges will be made.” Or the ever so clever, “So, hows that laptop treatin you? You sure were smart in stealing your own work computer to have an excuse not to work.”

I’m over this shit. Even if they decide to get me a new computer, it will take me at least a week to get everything set up again… that is if my software is even compatible.

So I’ve decided to take matters in my own hands. Seriously, I’m thinking of coming to work tomorrow donning a trenchcoat and very large pipe. I WILL get to the bottom of this.

In other words… To whoever is out there, typing away on my work laptop. I hope you are enjoying yourself right now. Because in the very near future (*shaking fist) “I’M GONNA GET YOU!!!!!

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  • Candice

    Oh wow, that's just mean. And wrong. So I'm guessing the general consensus is that an employee took it…?

  • Candice

    Oh wow, that's just mean. And wrong. So I'm guessing the general consensus is that an employee took it…?

  • Matt_J

    You didn't go through some temporal vortex on your trip, did you? Could have sucked the laptop into an alternative dimension?

    Or maybe, somehow, a rip in space/time occurred and the anti-laptop fell out of it, colliding with your work piece, and POOF everything was gone.

  • CarissaJaded

    Well.. I don't think anyone in here would take it… but that is kind of the easiest answer… I am seriously bound and determined to find out though!

  • CarissaJaded

    I've considered both of these options….but I'm leaning more towards- The Hamburguler did it.

  • LiLu

    That is the very opposite of cool. As in, UN.

  • Sherri

    I go through the same thing with underwear. And not that someone is stealing my underwear, but that it seems to just vanish. I could understand it if I was still a crazy college-aged nutjob, but not now, as a grown-up, married nutjob.

    Maybe your laptop is hanging out on a beach somewhere, sipping fancy drinks with my underwear!

  • lralln9

    Ms. Scarlett, in the Library, with the laptop?

  • Andhari Sidharta

    I bet someone there took it! How crazy, who would've done something like that? The consequences would have been really serious, some people can be SO desperate. It's best not to point a finger though.

    ps. Don't feel bad! I always ruin my computers and phones apparently. Booo to me.

  • Jay

    So there wasn't even a cable lock on it? For shame Carissa!

  • kathryn

    Oh, many! this is one of those times when you wish you had a tracking chip in the computer…like they do with dogs? You'd nail that bastard but good!

    Maybe you've got some weird electro-magnetic field thing going in in your body that makes electronics go haywire on you?

    make a call to TLC….they'd probably love to look into it for you.

  • Amber Murphy

    Sorry about your laptop, but I'm ready here to comment on your previous entry. You've met a ton of celebs, but I really want to hear how you met JTT. Sigh. He was the love of my life when I was twelve.

  • CarissaJaded

    I'm really thinking it was the cleaning people… I was thinking how easy it would be to put the laptop in the trash and make it out without looking suspicious on the surveillance camera.

    My JTT meeting is the least exciting of my celebrity spottings. He was actually just at an auto show where I had to wait in line for about 3 hours to get an autograph. But I didn't care. It was wonderful!

  • Nel

    Baaahahaha! Somehow I missed this post yesterday. You made me laugh SO hard.

    Ambien really can make you do some crazy shit. I think that is your best theory…go with it.

  • Nel

    Baaahahaha! Somehow I missed this post yesterday. You made me laugh SO hard.

    Ambien really can make you do some crazy shit. I think that is your best theory…go with it.