Dear Diary, I’m a lame-o. #2


I’ve told you before that even though I have only been blogging for a few months, I have kept a diary journal for a very, very, very long time. Even though I consider myself quite awesome these days, there were times when I was much more vain, and naturally much more immature. Some of the things I’ve recorded make me laugh, while others  bring me right back to my teen years again, and that can hurt as bad as any recent heart break. Mostly, they are just down right embarrassing. I’ve decided to periodically share with you sentences/passages/thoughts straight from my diaries of the past.  Also check out Dear Diary, I’m a lame-o, part one. Feel free, as always, to judge me- but please keep in mind that the younger version of myself was much more sensitive. And if you knew me back then well enough to guess what I might be talking about, lets just keep this between us – because you know I’ve got shit on you! I kid, I kid. Kinda…

The following is a series from a week during my sophomore year of high school. Enjoy.

***the names of people have been changed for my their protection.

______________________________________________________________________

3/3/98


UGHHHH! Matt is going to prom with Cindy! :( I can’t believe she asked him because I know she knows how I feel! He’s gunna prob make some mistake with her. Oh well, she has Tori  Spelling face anyways…. Anyways, it doesn’t matter becuz I have to hear about my friends boy problems so much, I don’t even have time  to produce any problems for myself! But non-problem news, I saw that guy Cliff walking to the gym today. It has been a goal of mine to find a gorgeous guy from the wrong side of the tracks and who looks like Matt Damon. Now Cliff could just be that guy. Im soooo sick of my parents making me get off the phone at 10:30!!! It makes me in such a bad mood. I wish my song “Then What” by Clay Walker would come on. Oh yeah, and I’m nervous about cheer competition! Laterz- Car

What I find most disturbing about this entry is that I have absolutely no memory of ever listening to Clay Walker, much less having a country song be “my song.” However, I think I would still consider finding “a gorgeous guy from the wrong side of tracks who looks like Matt Damon” one of my top priorities in life.

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3/18/1998

I hate school! I wish more than anything that I didn’t have school tomorrow! I just spent the last 4 hours working on stupid algebra that I still don’t understand worth shit! Yah and of course Matt didn’t help me. He was probably to busy making out or fucking Cindy  or something. I saw her car over there today. BITCH!

In other news we got 3rd place at cheer competition. Sounds ok but we were only competing against 2 other teams. Awesome. Camping was fun but I really wish my dad wouldn’t go into public places wearing picnic ant rainbow pajamas. I’m gonna burn those things. Oh I love Adam Sandler and The Wedding Singer was the best movie ever! Well later, Paul is on the phone being an ass. Love youuuuuu, Car

It seems that my symptoms of bi-polar disorder have been going on far longer than I thought. I should probably get that checked out. My father still has those ant pajamas, and I still want to burn them. I still have an unhealthy celebrity crush on Adam Sandler. I guess not much has changed in eleven years.

____________________________________________________

3/20/1998


It official, my life sux! I’m sick! I hate being sick!  I don’t even feel bad but I caught pink eye from Amy, that biznitch! I also failed my algebra final. Yup it is pretty bad. And then I also caught Matt lying to me about where he was again. Its bullshit but I have decided to never talk to that mother effer again. For real this time! But maybe just one more time to tell him happy birthday. Ugh I just hate sitting home alone when I know every one is out. I just watched Mixed Nuts and Airheads both with Adam Sandler! I love him so much. I’m sorry I’m being so negative. Everyone always says I over exaggerate everything and I guess they’re right. I just realized I say “I guess” a lot. Oh well! I say that a lot too!! Who cares! I gotta go watch 90210! yo!

I wonder how many times in my life I’ve said I am never going to talk to a guy again. I really should learn my lesson and coin a new catch phrase. Especially after reading the next entry.

_____________________________________________________


3/22/1998

Last night was Matt’s surprise party. There were some pretty ghetto peeps there but it was kinda fun. Then tonight on the phone he said I looked soooo good last night. He said he wished it was just us in the room. so booya horseface! And he wants to do drivers ed together and that would be kewl but I don’t really care anyways cause I kissed Tommy last night and I didn’t tell anyone, except for you, so don’t tell anyone! Now I’m watching the taped Academy Awards and I sooooo hope Matt Damon wins! (I actually already know he doesn’t win for acting but I still hope ) Oh what I would do to know him on a personal basis. He doesn’t seem like  the kind of guy who would care too much about the age difference. Gosh school has been so boring. I wish I could drink some of that excitement stuff like on Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Well tomorrow I’m going to see The Newton Boys and that has Skeet Ulrich in it!! YAYYY!!!  Later Gator, Car

Kewl. WTF? I guess years from now people are going to look back on WTF and say something completely different that means the same thing.

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I really wish that I could say that these days I’m not much of a loser. Honestly,  if I knew for sure that nobody I knew actually read this my daily blog entry would probably read pretty much the same way.

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  • http://www.belleandnel.blogspot.com/ Nel

    Tori Spelling face! Baaahaha!

    Last night, my husband asked me why any girl keeps a diary because someone inevitably finds it and reads all your juicy secrets. But now I know why….so you can blog about it!

  • http://angryredhead.wordpress.com/ Candice

    “And then I also caught Matt lying to me about where he was again. Its bullshit but I have decided to never talk to that mother effer again. For real this time! But maybe just one more time to tell him happy birthday.”

    Hahahahahahahaha, best line ever.

  • http://www.onewaydown.com M

    OMG I get angst-y just reading this! I never kept a diary growing up but I'm pretty sure if I did it would read just like this :p.

  • CarissaJaded

    Probably the only reason I'm sharing any of this is because I got drunk once and read my diary to most of my close friends… so Im used to getting a hard time about it. Plus anything they found interesting enough to spread- I'm sure they already did!! I have no more secrets!

  • CarissaJaded

    Oh how I wish I would learn something from myself!

  • CarissaJaded

    I think angsty just comes with the territory when you're writing to yourself….

  • http://littleinsomniaclolita.blogspot.com Andhari

    That's what makes teenage years so “exciting”, I think. What a bunch of mixed feelings and the way we change our minds almos tevery second really astounds me!

  • CarissaJaded

    I know! I wish I could say I've changed and matured a ton.. but I still change my mind every 10 minutes…

  • cassandrelu

    OMG you're hillarious. I recently read through my old diary from high school and I was almost as cheesy. I needed a good laugh. Thank you so much. And Tori Spelling face? Priceless. Did she have a botched boob job, too?

  • http://bluntdelivery.com/ blunt delivery

    hey~ saw you over at candice's blog… stopping by. LOVE THE BLOG. and i totally luuuurve old diary entries. I have a category called open letters where i scan old love letters/snobby girl letters from elementary school. it's great.

  • CarissaJaded

    she didnt' back then, but I would bet a couple hundred that she does now!!

  • CarissaJaded

    umm… you are awesome! I think I could live over at your site!

  • http://www.phronk.com phronk

    Hahaha Tori Spelling face. That's so mean! I bet her face wasn't THAT gross.

  • CarissaJaded

    Maybe it was more along the lines of Blossom… either way!

  • cassandrelu

    OMG you're hillarious. I recently read through my old diary from high school and I was almost as cheesy. I needed a good laugh. Thank you so much. And Tori Spelling face? Priceless. Did she have a botched boob job, too?

  • http://bluntdelivery.com/ blunt delivery

    hey~ saw you over at candice's blog… stopping by. LOVE THE BLOG. and i totally luuuurve old diary entries. I have a category called open letters where i scan old love letters/snobby girl letters from elementary school. it's great.

  • CarissaJaded

    she didnt' back then, but I would bet a couple hundred that she does now!!

  • CarissaJaded

    umm… you are awesome! I think I could live over at your site!

  • http://www.phronk.com phronk

    Hahaha Tori Spelling face. That's so mean! I bet her face wasn't THAT gross.

  • CarissaJaded

    Maybe it was more along the lines of Blossom… either way!