I’m even a worse person than I thought.
In case you didn’t see my last post, I pretty much demolished a bird yesterday.
There’s something else I failed to tell you.
Yesterday morning, I had a very close call with a squirrel on the way to work. I had just exited a school zone, so I had quickly sped up to try to make up for lost time. There was a car coming towards me on a very thin street.
The squirrel ran out in front of me, tried to cross the street, saw the other oncoming car and turned back towards my car. The last glimpse I saw of it, he had nearly made it to the side of the road, and I didn’t feel like I hit anything- so I was pretty sure he was in the clear.
Tonight my roommates and I decided that since we were going to completely blow our diets, we would walk to the grocery store. I was just telling them about how I almost hit a squirrel “right here.” when my roommate Jakerz pointed to a still, lifeless squirrel on the side of the road.
That’s fucking double homicide yo. I think I qualify for any gang now.
I figure I can either:
A. Get a pet squirrel to try to redeem myself for my murder (much like I did when I found out that rat poison worked on a rat in my house.)
B. Tell myself I didn’t kill two animals in one day. I just have a vivid imagination and the blood on my tire was just from a cherry pie that some bird stole off a window seal.
C. Eat a bag full of sunflower seeds, drink a bottle of wine, and join an anti PETA GROUP.
I’m still undecided, but I’m leaning towards C.