TMI Thursday. I’m really scared of Toxic Shock

As posted by Lilu: ***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

(Make sure you check out Lilu’s  TMI Thursday archives, I spent my morning there and had to join in)

Oh I am so going to regret publishing this one.

Men/Boys/Anyone who knows me in real life, you may want to cease reading this right about now…

Three weeks ago today was the last day of my “woman” cycle. (Frick, it’s already been 3 weeks?) You know how that last day goes. A tampon is more of a precaution than a necessity. So that Thursday night before I went to sleep, I went ahead and took that precaution.

The following evening I decided to make the 5 hour drive to visit some friends in Houston. Before I left, I ran through my mental checklist, making sure I wouldn’t get half-way there and realize I had done something traumatic, like forget my hair straightener.  About 30 minutes into the drive, I came to a dreadful realization. I couldn’t remember taking it out from the night before.

Since I had gone to work a little hungover and dehydrated that day (as I do most Fridays,) I knew I had only used the restroom a couple of  times in the last 24 hours- and neither of those times included tampon removal.

My first thought was “Oh my God, I have toxic shock.” I then briefly imagined myself into a headache and a bad case of the chills.

My second thought should have been “I need to find a gas station where I can pull over and take this out, pronto.”

Note: I have this thing when I’m on road trips where I absolutely will not pull over unless I’m 20 seconds away from pissing myself, or I see a sign that says “worlds best beef jerky”

And since there was no such sign in sight, my actual second thought was “I bet I can take this out while driving!”

Turns out it wasn’t so difficult, even when going 80 mph on the highway.  Luckily, I was wearing a skirt, and by keeping one foot on the gas- I was able to half way stand up and… well all you need to know is that it is possible.

It wasn’t until it was removed that I realized I hadn’t thought about disposal. I panicked for a moment that I would have to break my “no littering of tampons” clause and was just about to throw it out the window, when I spotted a paper bag buried under the junk pile on the floor board of my car.

I put it in the bag, threw the bag back onto the floorboard of my car, and within in a few minutes I was so caught up in listening to an episode of “This American Life,” that I completely forgot about my predicament.

Until this Monday, when I was rummaging through my car trying to find my glasses. I spotted that brown paper bag and it all came flooding back to me.

my floor board, just so you have an idea.

I am a disgusting, despicable person. And this is just one more reason why you should never ride in my car.

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  • http://livitluvit.com/ LiLu

    We are *so* not roadtripping together.

    😉

  • http://www.batcrapcrazy.blogspot.com/ Daffy

    Awesome! I think the things women can do while driving are amazing, albeit a bit scary, but amazing! Your story reminds me of the time that I thought I shoved TWO tampons in. Forgot about the overnight one and added a second in the morning. After a very emabarrassing 'fishing' trip to the doc and the pronouncment that I had not cramed two cotton fluffies up me (like where the hell would they BOTH fit?) I drove home vowing to NEVER drink that much again. I'm blaming an alcohol induced haze for the lapse in memory.

  • http://en-gb.facebook.com/carissajade Carissa McAtee

    Lilu- I don't blame you. I partially keep my car in this state so noone asks me to drive…

    Daffy- I can't believe I haven't done that yet. I have lost it before and came very close to a fishing trip….

  • thatkindofgirl

    haha, oh my god, I LOVE IT! That cracked me up! I'll admit to having done similarly messed-up tampon related things.

    In fact…

    I just moved into a new apartment and still didn't have all my furnishings in place. In particular, I didn't yet have a bathroom trash can. One morning a few weeks ago I was taking a tampon out and realized I had nowhere to put it: couldn't flush it with my old plumbing; didn't want to throw it in the kitchen trash (menstrual blood + kitchen = vom). So I did what any sane person would do: wrapped it in one layer of TP and tossed it in my bath rub (with the curtains drawn) to get it out of my hair, so to speak, until I could take out the trash after work.

    When I came home, I remembered that the plumber was supposed to come that afternoon. Sure enough, the bathroom faucet had been replaced. But surely he didn't step in the shower?!

    I threw back the curtain to see several dirty shoeprints inside the tub, and a trail of blood where the tampon (wrapped in now-blood-soaked TP) had been kicked from one side of the tub to the other.

    I pretty much died.

    Sorry, btdubs! Didn't mean to post hijack! I just had to have your back on psychological tampon trauma slash let you know you're not alone in the “discarding used tampons in the worst places” club!

  • CarissaJaded

    Lilu- I don't blame you! Its all part of my master plan not to ever have to drive…wahahahaha

    Daffy- I have come dangerously close to having one of those “fishing” trips. Not with 2 tampons but with one, very deep tampon that overstayed its visit way longer than the one in my latest story.

    TKOG- OMG, thank you for that! haha! I literally just spit coffee over my desk when I got to the part about the footprints in your shower! That is awesome!

  • http://www.phronk.com phronk

    Bwahahah.

    This may sound weird or creepy, but I kinda love hearing mortifying period stories. Because, as a dude, it's something I will NEVER experience myself. It's all new to me.

    Also, it's impressive that you could do that while driving. I can barely listen to music and drive at the same time.

  • http://littleinsomniaclolita.blogspot.com Andhari

    LMAO hahahaha at least nobody opens it up right?:D

  • http://littleinsomniaclolita.blogspot.com Andhari

    LMAO hahahaha at least nobody opens it up right?:D

  • http://en-gb.facebook.com/carissajade Carissa McAtee

    thank goodness! i would have died if someone had opened the bag to spit their gum in it or something!

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