How did I get here?


The other day someone commented that they got to my page by googling- “at first glance the picture above me looks like a turd.”

Which was actually what I was posting about, so right on.

That made me curious to see some of the other search terms that have brought people here so far.When I got to looking at them, I realized that I probably did not actually provide these people the information that they were seeking.

I will do my best to provide the information I assume they were looking for now.

* Ernie Bert Gay? – Although there are fervent rumors going around that they are gay-I think its safe to say that all clues point to no. Just because two men live together past the age of twenty doesn’t mean they are gay. Half of the time they didn’t even get along. Also, I specifically remember them having 2 separate beds. Most importantly; really- do you think a gay guy would let his eyebrows get so out of control? I think not.

*Puking on me– No thanks, I’m really not into that sort of stuff.

*How do I know if I’m correctly brushing my teeth? – Do you notice people cupping there hand over their face when they talk to you? If you lick your hand, and then smell your hand does it smell bad? Is your tongue white? If you answered no to all of these questions, then your brushing them good enough by my standards.

*Hairy Ladies– For this, you did come to the right place. If you are looking for advice on how to treat a hairy lady, just never mention the hair and all should be fine. Remember, hairy ladies are people too. If you’re seeking advice on how to tell a lady she is hairy- you don’t need to. She already knows but has probably grown so tired of plucking/nairing/bleaching that she just doesn’t care anymore. If you were looking to meet someone- why yes, I am single.

*Her Morning Breath– I’m not sure why everyone is coming here seeking hygiene advice… but it’s a good thing I’m an expert. I’m assuming on this one that you weren’t actually looking for me. If you were, your search phrase would have been: ” Her morning breath smells of roses and wine.” If you were trying to find out if the band name you want to use is available, the answer is yes- but you should only use it if you’re genre is heavy metal.

*Nair burns look like herpes– Why yes, I suppose they can. But if you are googling this for reassurance, I wouldn’t rely on the voice of the internet to tell you what you want to hear. From one paranoid cyberchondriac to another- you are going to google this every day until you go to the doctor to find out for sure. Just do it already.

*Hurricane Carissa– Really people? this nickname is getting old.

*500 days of shit– You did come to the right place for this one. Just keep reading. I think I’m currently somewhere around day 90.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]
Share

Related posts:

  1. Just trying to be helpful
  2. The Grossest Sneeze Ever, and Books + Coffee= (???) A little bit of TMI
  3. How did I get here?
  4. SUCK IT, Chad Kroeger.
  5. TMI Thursday: Email roast style. In which people hump weird shiz.
  • http://quirky.nu/ Carli

    I always get “Wrinkliest Person” which is DISHEARTENING.

  • http://livitluvit.com/ LiLu

    My personal favorite of my own today:

    “life is tough get a helmet”

    So, so true.

  • http://livitluvit.com/ LiLu

    My personal favorite of my own today:

    “life is tough get a helmet”

    So, so true.