Why did I Wich?


I made an epic mistake today at lunch. Knowing that I was going to be performing tonight and also drinking heavily, as I always do after I perform, I decided it would be best to forgo my usual lean cuisine, and opt for something with a little more substance. I hadn’t been to Which Wich in over a year so I was a little rusty on their ordering style. It also probably didn’t help that I was on the phone.

If you are unfamiliar, they basically have a wall of bags, and each bag is for a specific type of sandwich.Then you are supposed to check the ingredients that you would like added.

how to order

I guess I’m so self-centered that I just automatically expect every sandwich is a turkey sandwich, since thats what I like.

Not so much. I get the sandwich back to work, and since I rarely allow myself the luxury of eating bread- I went at it like my roommates’ dog does his food- fast and blindly. You could put a lb of human fecal matter in his bowl and he would eat it with the same enthusiasm that he uses when he eats the chicken I sneak him under the table.


I’m nearly done with the first half when I realize something is afoot. I open it up to find an interesting array of ingredients. At first I was gonna call up and complain that someone made a mistake, and that this was my first sandwich in a long while and SOMEONE IS GONNA FRICKIN PAY. But I decided to first take a look at the bag and make sure, it was, in fact, the sandwich artist’s bad.

Nope. I clearly grabbed the bag titled The Wicked, which contains 5 meats and 3 cheeses. Then not paying attention, I checked the boxes next to yellow and honey mustard, horseradish, (YUCK) Ketchup and ranch, (i had only intended to check ranch but my line extended to the ketchup box) red onions, jalepenos, lettuce, hot pepper mix, and crushed red pepper. People, this is why you shouldn’t go through life with a phone on your ear.

Now I understand the weird look I got when I asked for extra meat.

Needless to say I ate the sandwich. And now I’m waiting for the ass-ues that are sure to arise as a result.


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