Can you hear me Major Tom?


It pains me to think about the fact that- somewhere in my parent’s house there are cassette tapes that (assuming someone could actually find a working tape player) would reveal countless hours of me singing a capella versions of Lisa Loeb and Salt and Peppa. And believe you me, they would be enough to drive you to cut your eardrums out with a paperclip.

Naturally I have spent hours, if not days, obsessing over the possibility of suffering a tragic accidental death. As sad as that is, I have probably spent twice that amount of time thinking about what will happen after the fact. After choking to death, I will probably be found in my kitchen in my underwear after yet another attempt at swallowing a spoonful of cinnamon without water. My naked flab will be shown on CNN and I will become the poster child warning folks about the dangers of mixing ambien with alcohol.

People will gather for my funeral and laugh and cry, remembering all the ridiculous things I have done. They will read my journals and wonder why, at the age of twenty six, I still listed out my favorite actors in the order that I would want to “do” them. At this point, I would like for each attendee will get to pick out a dvd from my collection to remember me by.

Then my mother will remember the tapes.

I imagine my memorial scene will turn into something like the barfarama scene in “Stand By Me.” Except instead of puking in disgust, everyone will laugh so hard that they are spitting red wine and chicken salad sandwiches out of their noses.


The only positive situation I can see that could possibly happen with those tapes-is that if I do happen to die in one of the tragic scenarios I have imagined, and it is covered by enough of the media, there is a slight chance I could become the post-mortem William Hung.

Now my real question is, if my parents can keep a cassette tape from the 80’s (that no one could possibly ever want to hear again,) how in hell does NASA lose  footage of their greatest accomplishment ever? I bet that since the late seventies nearly half of the human population’s parents have videotaped THEIR first steps on EARTH. Get it together NASA.

Regardless I’m not buying into the conspiracies. I’ve watched enough of the early episodes of Star Trek to know that that space special effects in 1969 weren’t that good.


Also, here is a good article debunking some of the conspiracies, in case you’re interested.

What I find to be much more important than the original moon walk video, is  the fact that the original Space Oddity video is still in great condition and is available for your viewing any time you want on youtube.


David Bowie\’s Space Oddity

And if I have peaked your curiosity enough to where you want to hear me sing before I’m dead, there is a very good possibility that I will be singing this very song, tonight, at a karaoke bar near you.


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